YOU

i think i found the root to my misery.

yes, i am unhappy with my dad. yes, i was once rude to him in the arguments.

I was rude to him in a fit of anger.

But when he came back home unexpectedly, the most cruel thing i did to him was just totally plain silenceness. no defiancy, no rude words, no rude gesture. just keeping quiet and not making eye contact.

BUT YOU.
YOU CHOOSE TO SHOW IT EXPLICITLY.

and u did it without even thinking about our feelings, especially mama's feelings.

did you know with those harsh words and actions you showed, u actually caused tears in mama's eyes? did you know when u literally took away Juita from bapa and said those words with unkind tone breaks mama's heart?

you didnt know cos she kept quiet. I knew because im her daughter and she confided in me. we dont want to make matter worse. keeping quiet is the best policy but at the same time it makes us depressed soo much in silence.

yes, we know hes a bad dad and a bad role model for my girl. BUT we dont do such things to make things even worse. its like you are adding salt to an open wound. we r trying to heal the wound with time. yes, you are doing this because you are mad that he caused so much misery to us. but then again, have u ever spare a thought for mama and myself?

that was one of the reason why i cried in silence soo much lately.

i dunno how to make things even better now...just let nature takes its own course....

i just want to be happy...is it too hard for me to ask and have?